Looking to 2014

Love this verse I found for the new year...  

"But the land you are crossing the Jordan to take possession of is a land of mountains and valleys that drinks rain from heaven. It is a land the Lord your God cares for; the eyes of the Lord your God are continually on it from the beginning of the year to its end" Deuteronomy 11:11-12

Burdened to Soar

     I have gotten into a new pattern where each night I ask God for some gem to sustain me for the next day.  Wednesday night it was "But I call to God, and the Lord saves me.  Evening, morning, and noon I cry out in distress, and He hears my voice." (Psalm 55:16,17)  Little did I know how much I would need that reassurance the next day. I did not anticipate Thanksgiving would be so hard. I did not dread it like I did my birthday, but all of a sudden the grief started bubbling out.  I was flooded with memories of my mom and I's last holiday together - trying to be thankful in Tucson even though I was away from my husband and kids, in the midst of fighting a battle to move mom to Kansas City to be in hospice at my Uncle's house.  

     So I let the tears come - those burdensome tears.  It says in Psalm 55:6 to cast your burdens on the Lord and He will sustain you.  As I studied Psalm 55 more thoroughly I read in Streams in the Desert that the word burden is what Jehovah has given you. Burdens are given by God so we might wait on Him.  It said that after the waiting, He transforms the burden into a pair of wings but us casting them on Him and trusting Him to take care of them.  Only then are we able to "soar on wings like eagles" (Isa. 40:31)

O paradox of Heaven. The load 

We think will crush was sent to lift us 

Up to God! Then, soul of mine,

Climb up! Nothing cane'er  e crushed

Save what is underneath the weight.

How may we climb! By what ascent

Will we crest the critical cares

Of life! Within His word is found

The key which opens His secrets stairs;

Alone with Christ, secluded there,

We mount our loads, and rest in Him.

      by Mary Butterfield

Back in the Game

I have climbed out of the cave I have been hibernating in and started to have some fun again after a season of grieving.  My first new adventure was a visit to Keeneland Racetrack on a beautiful Sunday afternoon... 

We sat right in front of the finish line.  It was easy to feel the excitement and disappointment!  We watched the horses race on turf and dirt, ate BBQ pork nachos, tried out some parasols  - I felt like a true Kentuckian!

Missing Mom

It has been a week since my mom's funeral and a little over 2 weeks since she has passed.  Her leaving has left a huge hole in our lives.  When I was going through her things I found this - I think she wanted me to find it:

Now that I am gone, remember me with smiles and laughter.  And if you need to cry, cry with your brother or sister who walks in grief beside you.  And when you need me, put your arms around anyone and give them what you need so much.  I want to leave you something - something much better than words or sounds...Look for me in the people I have known or helped in some special way.  Let me live in your heart as well as in your mind.  You can love me most by letting your love reach out to our loved ones, by embracing them and living in their love.  Love does not die, people do.  So, when all that is left of me is love, give me away as best you can.

Thorns...

I had an amazing week spending time with my mom and yet it was bitter sweet.  I treasure the special talks and memories, but have an aching pain as I watch her fighting this lung cancer beast. Sometimes I feel so helpless.  Those why questions come pouring out to God and He comforts me with this poem. 

Strange gift indeed! – a thorn to prick -

To pierce into the very quick;

To cause perpetual sense of pain;

Strange gift!  And yet, twas given for gain.

Unwelcome – yet it came to stay;

Nor could it e’en be prayed away.

It came to fill its God-planned place –

A life-enriching means of grace.

And he who bore it, day by day,

Found Christ his power, his strength, his stay;

In weakness gloried, since there by

The power of Christ might on him lie.

On much-tired saint, with fainting heart,

The thorn with its perpetual smart,

With all its wearing ceaseless pain

Can be thy means of priceless gain.

God’s grace-thorns- ah what forms they take!

What piercing, smarting pain they make!

And yet, each one in love is sent,

And always just for blessing meant.

And so, what e’er thy thorn may be,

From God accept it willingly;

But reckon Christ – His life – the power

To keep, in thy most trying hour.

And save – thy life will richer grow;

He grace sufficient will bestow:

And in Heav’ns morn thy joy twill be

That, by His thorn, He strengthened thee.

J. Danson Smith

Peace

I am turning over a new leaf and trying to be more regular at posting. Stu was gone this weekend and we had lots of storms come through. When I know there is severe weather coming in the middle of the night, I get a little nervous about going to bed because I am the one "responsible," so I left my weather radio on and it warned me ALL night long - so much so that I reached over to turn it off and bumped my forehead on the corner of my nightstand. I awoke very groggy and the verse that kept coming to my head was Psalm 4:8 "I will lie down and sleep in peace, for you alone, O Lord, make me dwell in safety." When we went to church that morning, this verse was part of the message on having peace. Next time I am going to trust in the Lord instead of my weather radio - I am sure to have a more peaceful night sleep! Speaking of peace, that is what drew me to this picture - it was a place that I would love to go and enjoy listening to the the cool breeze through the trees and hear the bubbling brook - maybe even climb a few trees. It makes me think of Psalm 23:2-3 "He makes me lie down in green pastures; He leads me beside the still waters. He restores my soul..."I spent 8 months trying to replicate it but I just couldn't get it how I thought it should be. Here it is anyway. Hope you enjoy it.

Slowing Down

"Earth's crammed with heaven,

And every common bush afire with God:

But only he who sees, takes off his shoes;

The rest sit around it, and pluck blackberries."

- Elizabeth Barrett Browning

A friend of mine got me this great book for my birthday called Not So Fast - Slow-Down Solutions for Frenzied Families by Ann Kroeker. I have only read the first chapter but already know this is something my soul needed to hear. I often feel like I am juggling way to many balls and am unable to keep all of them going up in the air at the same time. We seem to go from one pressing thing to the next with very little time for stopping and enjoying the moment. This is not what I want our family life to be like.

There is a great article about how a world famous violinist, dressed in ordinary clothes, played for people hurrying through the metro in DC. During the 43 minutes that he played, 1,097 people went by, and only 7 stopped to listen!

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/04/04/AR2007040401721.html

I want to be one of the seven that stop and listen - Lord may I stop and look for You and wait for You and listen for You and ENJOY all the beautiful gifts that you have given me.

(This photo is taken by Lizzy - our budding photographer - I could use a few lessons from her about stopping and noticing beauty)

International Fair

The kids went to a home school International Fair this month. They all worked hard on their country and displayed it for everyone to see as well as taste! Here are the highlights...

The New Do...

I got my hair cut and ironed for the first time ever -

it took her an hour and a half!

I don't think that is something I would like to add into my morning routine!

But, it was fun to look like someone else for a couple of days !

Cumberland Falls State Park

We had a great end of the summer last hoorah at Cumberland Falls.

It was quite an impressive waterfall with a huge run off for August.

We stayed in a cottage that reminded me of the cabins my family and I stayed in growing up at the YMCA Camp in Estes Park, CO. I would recommend staying at the lodge, too.

The view from the lodge of the Cumberland River was spectacular! Each evening we would watch the raccoons from the picture window in the dining hall as they came up from under the brush and foraged under the

bird feeders.

I enjoyed watching the Goldfinches flitter around.

I can see why they call them Wild Canaries!

The highlight, though, was our white water rafting trip with Sheltowee Trace Outfitters.

We had an amazing guide who really new the river and maneuvered us safely through some Class III/IV rapids - I was a little nervous after being dumped out in the Gallatin River in MT.

We were able to get out of the boat and float down part of the river on our own.

I think the kids favorite part was jumping off a rock and watching mom and dad jump!

Kansas City Getaway

Summer is passing me by with the blink of an eye...June is gone and now we are over halfway into July...In June, Stu and I enjoyed getting away to Kansas City for my 20 year High School reunion - Shawnee Mission East Hail to Thee, Lancers we will always be... I did not realize how nervous I was until we pulled up at Johnny's in Corinth and I felt like I was going to be sick. All the old high school insecurities came rushing back to me and if it wasn't for Stu I don't think I would have gotten out of the car. It was not as bad as I thought it would be, and I was amazed at how easy it was to pick up where we left off with some friends that I had not seen since the 10 year reunion or longer.

Stu and I also celebrated our 16th wedding anniversary while we were in KC. It was fun to feel newly married again, able to sleep when we wanted to or eat when we wanted to. We need to get away more often. I think a cruise would be nice! Here is a picture of us at the horse fountain on the plaza where Stu asked me to marry him, it sure seemed like yesterday!

Hello to Summer!

It is the last day in May so I feel compelled to write something...my brain is too tired to be profound, but I feel a big relief to be done with schooling and look forward to a relaxed summer - sleeping in, staying up late, camping, catching fire flies, evening walks, hiking, cookouts, flowers, butterflies... 

"And just then they got a glimpse of the first butterfly.  Now everybody knows that if the first butterfly you see is yellow, then it will be a happy summer.  If it is white, then the summer will be calm. (We won't even mention black and brown butterflies - they are much too sad.)" - From the Magician's Hat by Tove Jansson.

Field of Poppies

Yeah! It feels so good to complete something!  

My first attempt and it was so therapeutic! 

Hope you enjoy it!

Beauty in Barrenness

I was amazed to see these bright colors and even some green trees along river banks amidst this dusty, barren desert of Tucson.  It reminded me of a verse from Jeremiah 17: 7-8, "But blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in Him.  He will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream.  It does not fear when heat comes;  its leaves are always green.  It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit."  May we daily send out our roots to the stream of living water found only in Christ.

Lessons from Job

I think it is about time for a new post.  I made it through my ear surgery while grappling with God's Providence in bible study that week.  All those questions that give you a head ache - Why does God allow evil?  Where did evil come from? How much does God control and how much do we control?  If God controls all things, then do our choices matter?... The verse that God kept repeating to me during the course of my own struggles is Romans 8:28 that in everything He works for good with those who love Him, who are called according to His purpose.  He has active, purposeful control in everything that happens in my life . "from His dwelling place He watches all who live on earth - He who forms the hearts of all, who considers everything they do. (Psalm 33:14-15)"  

All events are fully caused by God yet we also are fully responsible for our choices and actions. So how are we to respond to difficult things? I looked at Job's responses to suffering:

"The Lord gave and the Lord as taken away; may the name of the Lord be praised... Shall we accept good from God , and not trouble?...

In His hand is the life of every creature and the breath of all mankind...To God belong wisdom and power, counsel and understanding are His.  What He tears down cannot be rebuilt; the man He imprisons cannot be released.  If He holds back the waters, there is drought; if He lets them loose, they devastate the land... 

Though He slay me, yet I will hope in Him... 

Even now my witness is in heaven; my advocate is on high. My intercessor is my friend as my eyes pour out tears to God;  on behalf of a man He pleads with God as a man pleads for His friend...

I know that my Redeemer lives, and that in the end He will stand upon the earth... But if I go to the east, he is not there;  if I got the west, I do not find Him.  When He is at work in the night, I do not see Him; When He turns to the south, I catch no glimpse of Him, But He knows the way that I take; when He has tested me, I will come forth as gold…

I am unworthy – how can I reply to you?  I put my hand over my mouth…

I know you can do all things; no plan of yours can be thwarted…My ears have heard you but now my eyes have seen you." (Job)  

My prayer is that I can see God through the trials of my life and not blame Him but worship Him that He is more than I can understand or imagine and that I can trust him because He is good and wise, even when I do not see why.

How Great is Our God

I have been meaning to write about this for a few weeks.  I am in a bible study group studying Bible Doctrine by Wayne Grudem.  We had just finished studying the those attributes that we do not share - His all-powerfulness, His eternity, His unchangeableness.  What really spoke to my heart was how God is so vast and powerful and beyond my complete comprehension that He who created the stars knows them each by name and that He knows the number of hairs on my head and cares about the day to day details of my life, like a loving Father.   

At the same time I was reading Hadassah by Tommy Tenney that seemed to sum it up what I was feeling while studying these amazing parts of God's character.  When Mordecai asked a high priest "What was it really like to enter the Holy Place, the dwelling of the Almighty?"  His response was, "It's not just what you think, you know. Everyone thinks it is all fear and trembling.  And some days it was.  Especially in my early years.   But I will tell you the truth. The memory that keeps my heart strong and my head clear is the thought of days when my heart was pure before Him.  When I had spent time reading the Sacred Texts, preparing myself beforehand, and sung His praises, asked for forgiveness of my sins, I would enter the temple and suddenly be engulfed in His presence...My whole being would throb with the awareness of His person.  I thought I could feel His heart.  And at such times I was glad everyone else kept their distance, because often I would dance and laugh and weep and sing and shout all at the same time because my chest felt like it would truly, truly burst if I did not.  

Have you ever seen a young child greet a beloved father after a long absence?  The little arms pumping , the little legs churning, the leap into his arms, the tears in the father's eyes.  I felt like that.  A child so overcome with joy at His return that all I wanted to do in this world was to leap as high into His bosom as I could.  

And I could feel His tears too. That's the wonder of it, can't you see?  I could feel His Spirit being fed , His heart gladdened, His pain, yes, His Pain... God's pain because of sin and evil and heartbreak was vast and endless and searing .  I can still feel its weight upon my soul... I always believed that the catalyst for these times of blissful closeness to Him was that I had focused my attention on Him, not myself... What caused His joy was seeing my rapture at His presence and the communion that it sparked."

Hiding Place

Monday, I went to the dermatologist to get a sore on my ear looked at.  She took a biopsy and thinks that it is skin cancer.  I will know what type in about 7 to 10 days.  As I wait, the what ifs keep swirling around in my mind and fear rises up.  I am thankful that when I feel afraid I have someone to run to - the Lord. "You are my hiding place; You will protect me from trouble and surround me with songs of deliverance." (Ps 32:7-8)  Also, that He promises to instruct me and teach me in the way that I should go and will counsel me and watch over me. I can rest in Him knowing that He already knows the beginning and end of the story and is fully trustworthy - I just have to keep reminding myself that! 

In the Garden

I went to an amazing funeral this week of a close family friend.  Her life was a testimony of God's love and grace.  The first song we sang was In the Garden and I could just picture her there walking with Jesus - here are the words to this beautiful hymn:

I come to the garden alone
While the dew is still on the roses
And the voice I hear falling on my ear
The Son of God discloses.

And He walks with me, and He talks with me,
And He tells me I am His own;
And the joy we share as we tarry there,
None other has ever known.

He speaks, and the sound of His voice,
Is so sweet the birds hush their singing,
And the melody that He gave to me
Within my heart is ringing.

I’d stay in the garden with Him
Though the night around me be falling,
But He bids me go; through the voice of woe
His voice to me is calling.

Words: Charles Austin Miles (1912)

Semper Floren

I am amazed at all the metaphors in God's creation, particularly when looking at the life cycle of a flower.

It starts as a tiny seed and with the right conditions (warmth, water and air) it will wake up and start growing into a beautiful, unique plant that blooms and bears fruit.

God planted a seed of faith in my heart and brought people along to nourish me and help me grow and become the unique flower that He designed me to be.

My hope is that I can express what God is showing me in a way that will help you blossom and grow into the beautiful flower He created you to be!

My Life Verse

The righteous will flourish like a palm tree, they will grow like a cedar of Lebanon; planted in the house of the LORD, they will flourish in the courts of our God.

They will still bear fruit in old age, they will stay fresh and green, proclaiming, "The LORD is upright; he is my Rock, and there is no wickedness in him.

Psalms 92:12-15