At the same time I was reading Hadassah by Tommy Tenney that seemed to sum it up what I was feeling while studying these amazing parts of God's character. When Mordecai asked a high priest "What was it really like to enter the Holy Place, the dwelling of the Almighty?" His response was, "It's not just what you think, you know. Everyone thinks it is all fear and trembling. And some days it was. Especially in my early years. But I will tell you the truth. The memory that keeps my heart strong and my head clear is the thought of days when my heart was pure before Him. When I had spent time reading the Sacred Texts, preparing myself beforehand, and sung His praises, asked for forgiveness of my sins, I would enter the temple and suddenly be engulfed in His presence...My whole being would throb with the awareness of His person. I thought I could feel His heart. And at such times I was glad everyone else kept their distance, because often I would dance and laugh and weep and sing and shout all at the same time because my chest felt like it would truly, truly burst if I did not.
Have you ever seen a young child greet a beloved father after a long absence? The little arms pumping , the little legs churning, the leap into his arms, the tears in the father's eyes. I felt like that. A child so overcome with joy at His return that all I wanted to do in this world was to leap as high into His bosom as I could.
And I could feel His tears too. That's the wonder of it, can't you see? I could feel His Spirit being fed , His heart gladdened, His pain, yes, His Pain... God's pain because of sin and evil and heartbreak was vast and endless and searing . I can still feel its weight upon my soul... I always believed that the catalyst for these times of blissful closeness to Him was that I had focused my attention on Him, not myself... What caused His joy was seeing my rapture at His presence and the communion that it sparked."
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