Burdened to Soar

     I have gotten into a new pattern where each night I ask God for some gem to sustain me for the next day.  Wednesday night it was "But I call to God, and the Lord saves me.  Evening, morning, and noon I cry out in distress, and He hears my voice." (Psalm 55:16,17)  Little did I know how much I would need that reassurance the next day. I did not anticipate Thanksgiving would be so hard. I did not dread it like I did my birthday, but all of a sudden the grief started bubbling out.  I was flooded with memories of my mom and I's last holiday together - trying to be thankful in Tucson even though I was away from my husband and kids, in the midst of fighting a battle to move mom to Kansas City to be in hospice at my Uncle's house.  

     So I let the tears come - those burdensome tears.  It says in Psalm 55:6 to cast your burdens on the Lord and He will sustain you.  As I studied Psalm 55 more thoroughly I read in Streams in the Desert that the word burden is what Jehovah has given you. Burdens are given by God so we might wait on Him.  It said that after the waiting, He transforms the burden into a pair of wings but us casting them on Him and trusting Him to take care of them.  Only then are we able to "soar on wings like eagles" (Isa. 40:31)

O paradox of Heaven. The load 

We think will crush was sent to lift us 

Up to God! Then, soul of mine,

Climb up! Nothing cane'er  e crushed

Save what is underneath the weight.

How may we climb! By what ascent

Will we crest the critical cares

Of life! Within His word is found

The key which opens His secrets stairs;

Alone with Christ, secluded there,

We mount our loads, and rest in Him.

      by Mary Butterfield

Back in the Game

I have climbed out of the cave I have been hibernating in and started to have some fun again after a season of grieving.  My first new adventure was a visit to Keeneland Racetrack on a beautiful Sunday afternoon... 

We sat right in front of the finish line.  It was easy to feel the excitement and disappointment!  We watched the horses race on turf and dirt, ate BBQ pork nachos, tried out some parasols  - I felt like a true Kentuckian!

Missing Mom

It has been a week since my mom's funeral and a little over 2 weeks since she has passed.  Her leaving has left a huge hole in our lives.  When I was going through her things I found this - I think she wanted me to find it:

Now that I am gone, remember me with smiles and laughter.  And if you need to cry, cry with your brother or sister who walks in grief beside you.  And when you need me, put your arms around anyone and give them what you need so much.  I want to leave you something - something much better than words or sounds...Look for me in the people I have known or helped in some special way.  Let me live in your heart as well as in your mind.  You can love me most by letting your love reach out to our loved ones, by embracing them and living in their love.  Love does not die, people do.  So, when all that is left of me is love, give me away as best you can.